Driven by who the fuck knows…..Random Ramble!!!
This is a repost of something I posted a while back but ended up making it a private entry…. since I wont have “my dog” for the next few weeks, and since I have not seen him since last saturday I guess it is fitting.
I came home tonight, just like I do any other day, and although I was aware that my sister took biggie (dog I look after during the week) for the night, and possibly the weekend, it suddenly hit me… I came home to an empty house. It never ceases to amaze just how much the presence of a little critter, be it a gerbil, a guinea pig, a cat, a lizard, or a dog can impact anyone’s mood. The absence of that little guy wagging his tail, excited that I came home, excited that I will take him out for a walk, excited that I will play around with him, excited that I had treats for him…suddenly left me with a nagging feeling of loneliness. Nevermind that I was glad to be home after a long day of school and work, forget the fact that I had a bunch of books at my disposal, nevermind that I was finally able to take a long shower, nevermind that I was able to sit down for a minute and finally rest… it just didn’t feel right.
How long do you go on on pretending? how long before it hits you that the most mundane, insignificant, pedestrian, prosaic conversations, text messages, phone calls, emails, etc that you have with those few people that you’ve chosen to care for have become a bigger part of your life than you’d really like to admit? I suppose that when you suddenly lose that you start to give it a new meaning…those same things ceased to be banal and take on a brand new life-giving force from what otherwise would be your daily purgatory.
How long before you start to pray for a water landing as you come back from a business trip, or a vacation? How long before you hope for a horrible crash as you drive down the freeway? how long before you realize that the solo activities you enjoyed are no longer enjoyable? how long before that bottle of narcotics, sitting on your desk, starts to look appealing because the promise of a, long overdue and much needed, good night sleep is more appealing than the prospect of getting in a cold, empty bed? How long before you reach for the bottle of vodka and just drink yourself to sleep?
This place is a fucking mess I ought to clean it.
Having an animal around does make a difference. Even a couple of fishes. I think it’s the movement that lets you know you’re a part of something. Something other than the mess outside.
If it makes you feel better you can come watch Lurch for a bit. 🙂 He could use the attention too. he’s been such a jerk lately for lack of attention.
That’s very kind of you; however I can neither afford nor am I able to take take off to come over and play with lurch, although I’d like to. I used to go someone else’s house and play with her animals if my biggie wasnt around but she moved far away.